Mom thinks my girlfriend is too black and ‘fool fool’

Dear Pastor,

I know this is not your usual type of letters, but I want to share this problem with you.

I come from a middle-class family. I have never been hungry. I have three sisters and I am the only male. My father was a good provider. My sisters are beautiful and I am very proud of them. My parents expect me to marry someone who is in the middle or upper class. I have dated some of these girls, but I have never fallen in love with any of them. Yes, I have had sex with some of them, but I have never stayed around too long because they are not the women that I could settle down with. I didn't have to give these girls any money, only small gifts for Christmas or Valentine's Day.

The girl that I have fallen in love with is of dark complexion and she comes from rural Jamaica. She didn't go to prep school like these other girls, but I was the first man for her. I can feel her love. A few weeks ago, I invited her to spend a weekend with me at a particular place. We had to take the elevator to go to our room and she was scared to go into the elevator. She speaks well.

My mother and two of my sisters prepared a lovely meal for us on the Saturday evening and she behaved as if she was going to die; she was so nervous sitting with the family. She was able to use the knife and fork, but she hardly took part in the conversation. I had to force her to eat. I put food on her plate and told her that I would not stop at any fast food place, so she should eat up. I spent the night with her and when I went home, my mother tore into me. She told me that I had no ambition and I should not bring back that 'fool fool' girl to the house. My mother called me an idiot to leave all these other girls who I know and to pick up this 'country boo boo'. I could not believe that my mother would condemn the girl that I love. My father sat there and said nothing. Then my mother said, the girl is too black and she would not fit in to the family.

Now Pastor, when she talked about my girlfriend's complexion, I became annoyed. I told my mother that I am going to marry this girl whether she likes it or not. I told her that she would not be invited to the wedding. My father told me I should marry the woman I love. If this is the girl that I have chosen, I have his blessings. I told him thanks. This is a clean girl.

Some people in this country are very prejudiced and they think that it is a curse to be black. My sisters talk to this girl occasionally, and they have got to love her. I will not take her back to my parents' home. Her people have accepted me. How do you think I can deal with this matter? Please give me your advice.

C.R.

Dear C.R.,

I hope you have not told your girlfriend that your mother does not like her because she is too black and ugly.

I want you to know that there are still people in this country who accept light complexion folks over dark-skinned people. You don't have to be ashamed of loving a girl who has dark complexion. She might not have the level of education that you have, but she can go back to school, and in a few years, she would be at the standard that you and your sisters have reached. She may even pass all of you.

You have a challenge on your hands. If you truly love this young lady, don't abandon her because of how your mother thinks. If you are a wise man, you should know that your mother should not be choosing for you. The young lady was nervous at the table because she was not familiar with your folks and she probably has not really truly learnt social graces. But she would learn as time moves on.

Your father should have rebuked your mother. He told you that he would accept your girlfriend, but he should have reminded your mother that we are all God's children and we are not better than others. Be prepared to spend some money on this young woman. You can't go wrong if you love her. Take care of her. If both of you love each other, I hope you will marry her.

Pastor