I am stealing love on the side

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 and my boyfriend is 35. I am in a stable relationship with a married man. You may wonder how could it be stable if this man is married.

It is stable because any time I want to see him, he makes himself available. I have one daughter who he considers to be her father although he is not her real father. Her biological father is really just a sperm donor. He has never supported his daughter. When this child was three years old, I tried to reach out to him for money to help me to send her to school and he cursed me and said I should go and take man. He went as far to say that he doesn't know me. I cried and ended the conversation. It was after that conversation that I met this man. A sweeter man a woman could never expect to meet in life. I asked myself, "How come some women meet these sweet guys while many of us suffer in silence?"

This man told me that he would assist me and he has kept his word. When I met him, I could not even pay my rent. He asked me for a key to my apartment. I was reluctant in giving him a key, but he promised that he would help me pay the rent. We have been together for five years and he has paid the rent for my apartment on time every month. My daughter calls him daddy. People may see us together and believe that he is the child's father. He is very strict, but he does not watch me. I can go anywhere I want to go as long as he knows where I am going, and he gives me money to go on vacation. I have gone to America twice since we have been together. He does not travel with us; I travel with my daughter. My sisters live in New York. They don't know that he is married. They are always calling him their brother-in-law. I can tell you that I don't owe anybody anything since I have been with this man. But he constantly reminds me that he cannot marry me.

I don't know what to do because my little girl does not know that he is married. This man says that he cannot promise me marriage as long as his wife is alive. I will not pray for her death; she has not done me anything. I am the one stealing love on the side and I don't know how to stop.

Y.

Dear Y.,

Some cases are much more difficult than others and your situation is one that I cannot say do this or do that.

Your child's father did not show any love for his daughter. He had no empathy when you became pregnant or when you gave birth. When you reached out for help to send your child to school, he cursed you. Now you have found a man who is willing to help you all the way. He has never let you down and he loves your daughter as his own flesh. Do you expect me to say that you should leave this man? I know I could tell you that. I must put it this way to you, the relationship you are having with this man is not healthy. There will come a time when you will have to explain to your daughter why you are with this man even though both of you are not married, and why she is not carrying his name. This child would have to know as she grows up; you ought not to try to explain the full story to her at a tender age.

I would suggest that you go back to school and learn to study online; these days a person can study online and become a professional. I am urging you to do so because you can never know what may happen to this man and suddenly all your bills may have to be paid by you. Life may not be as rosy at it is now. So don't take everything for granted. Help yourself; improve your education and empower yourself. I wish you well.

Pastor